North Korean's bubble of certainty

Lee Seo-hyun, a Keynote Speaker with Freedom Speakers International, is a North Korean defector who recently launched a GoFundMe after she was recently accepted into the School of International and Public Affairs at Columbia University). She delivered the following speech at TEDxUCLA on June 4, 2022. Courtesy of Casey Lartigue Jr.

By Lee Seo-hyun

It has been said "Better to reign in hell than serve in heaven." My name is Lee Seo-hyun. I am a North Korean escapee who gave up the certain opportunity to thrive in hell, and instead fled my native country to face certain uncertainty.

My experience as a North Korean escapee might surprise you. I did not grow up in extreme poverty; I was not coerced into human trafficking; nor do I have horrific stories of being a political prisoner. My father was a senior-level government officer for the North Korean regime, and his loyal commitment to the nation and the leader allowed our family to live in the capital Pyongyang, a privilege as North Koreans.

Like most people in North Korea, I had no doubts about the regime because I was brainwashed. I truly believed what our leader said: "Our country is the envy of the world!" Yes, I was living in a bubble. Not of my choosing ― I wasn't even aware of it ― but a bubble, nonetheless.

What about you? Have you ever even considered the possibility that you may be living in a bubble, regardless of your politics or religion, regardless of the color of your skin or your perceived status in life?

What if the 'Bubble' ― the truth I had accepted without question ― is in some way no different from yours ― although yours probably doesn't include political oppression and torture?

For the NK elites, the petty perks come with strings. Very long strings. The higher one is on the ladder, the more severe the intrusion into our privacy. The baseline is the tapping of our phones and homes. The regime crushes dissenters and critics. It would not be an exaggeration to say that they even count tears during forced mourning. The fear of certain punishment is so strong that even after more than seven years, my mother still whispers into my ear when saying something critical about the Kim dictators.

I will never forget the day I unplugged from the regime. It's like the movie "The Matrix." In that movie, Morpheus is the character who helped Neo, the hero of the movie, unplug from the artificial, computer-generated world. My Morpheus was a real-life Chinese taxi driver. He helped me unplug from my "bubble" and opened my mind during a taxi ride. At that time, I was studying finance at Dongbei University of Finance and Economics in China. During the ride, he pointed to a picture of Deng Xiaoping, a Chinese leader, hanging from the rearview mirror and told me how his economic policies reformed China and lifted it out of poverty. He asked me in Chinese, "Why haven't the North Korean leaders done the same and instead left their people to starve?" I couldn't reply to him. I simply had no answer.

With logic too simple to question, the taxi driver had burst my bubble. The bubble that had surrounded me my entire life. For the first time, I realized that my life wasn't so enviable. The certainty of my life and the world around me, thanks to my Chinese Morpheus, began to crumble.

The crumbling was completed when I witnessed my college roommate, my BFF, dragged away from our dorm room while studying in China. In December 2013, NK agents showed up abruptly at our dorm and took my friend away. I never saw her again. I later learned that she and her entire family were sent to a political prison camp after her father was executed for being associated with Kim Jong-un's uncle.

Her last message still lingers in my heart. "I don't think I can come back, could you pack up my personal items and keep them for me? I am texting you inside of the bathroom at a highway rest station. I am going to throw my phone away now." My whole body started to shake when I read the last sentence. I was terrified. It was totally surreal. It was at this moment that so many questions flooded my mind. Why is an innocent person being punished? My friend was a model citizen of North Korea. Even if her father had committed a crime, why is her entire family being punished? How is guilt by association considered justice? And is my family next to be charged for crimes we did not commit?

I realized for the first time in my life that no one was ever truly safe in North Korea. We are nothing more than slaves for Kim Jong-un. We were all disposable. Expendable. Just like batteries, to be thrown away when used up. For the first time, anger and resentment against the regime filled my body. The bubble had burst and what little hope I had for the future of North Korea under the Kim regime vanished. I realized how desperately my country was in need of change.

I couldn't deny that the privileges enjoyed by the elite came with unimaginable exposure to oppression, abuse, and countless executions, not only for individuals themselves but also for three generations of their family. Realizing this paradox led me to doubt everything in my bubble: my belief system, my hope, and even my identity as a North Korean. The question was: Do I continue to live as a North Korean and ignore the tragedies, or abandon everything and plunge into a certain uncertainty of discovering the world beyond my bubble, whatever it might turn out to be?

Right then and there, I chose to escape and to leave my accepted and certain past and jumped head first into an unknown future. It was a very difficult decision for me and my family to give up all of our privileges, status, and loved ones, and to move to a new country where we had to start with nothing. There were no guides. There were no guarantees of success. The possibility of failure and attempts on our life was around every corner. Imagine abandoning all that you know and love and starting all over in the den of your "eternal enemy," thousands of miles away. All because of something you heard from a Chinese taxi driver.

I'm certain that many of you may have questioned the bubble you are in. Seeing glimpses of life beyond the walls that were built to keep you "safe," and wondering if you are on the right side.

So many are born to circumstances beyond their control. Life has dealt them a crappy hand. For me, I ran into my Morpheus who opened my eyes to the certain truth of North Korea. With his pin prick during that cab ride, I realized that I was living in a bubble of "artificial reality" that had been carefully constructed for decades. With his pin prick, I took my first steps down the path out of my bubble in search of a society that respects the rights of people and lives without fear. Even at the expense of losing the "privileges" of life as a North Korean elite, I believed, with my life on the line, that there had to be a better way.

We cannot choose where we are born, however, we can choose how we respond to our circumstances. When we are willing to consider a reality outside of our own, and when we embrace the discomfort and uncertainty... I believe then we can discover important value for each of us and change the world into a better place to live where every human being enjoys the universal values of freedom and human rights.

Casey Lartigue Jr., co-founder along with Lee Eun-koo of Freedom Speakers International and co-author with Han Song-mi of Greenlight to Freedom, edited this text for publication.