By Bernard Rowan
One cause for divorce in Korea today is pressure arising from in-laws. This ranges from in-law interference to financial conflicts. Money problems and in-laws have destroyed several friends' marriages. In other cases, emotional and power issues with in-laws create problems. Let's explore this cause of divorce and family stress a bit more.
In my study of mature Korean women, the ajumma, I learned about myeonri sijipsari, or pressure on the daughter-in-law from the husband's mother. In the past, neo-Confucian norms and multi-generation households urged the pressures. Today, it's less discussed, still around, but less so than 50 years ago. Koreans live in more nuclear families. But the tie to a couple's parents persists. My male Korean friends' wives don't tell me it's so bad for them, though my data set is small. The growing respect for women and ideas of self-development don't truck with the groom's mother so much. I have some friends who seem subservient to their wives' mothers frankly.
Also, if one reads the news and related analyses, I'd argue sijipsari has spread to both genders and taken on new forms. With the growing life expectancy of Koreans and present-day nuclear families, many Korean elders live alone. Many endure poverty. Independent of family ties, this is a serious social issue. Elders are a valuable source of wisdom and experience for families and societies. But, short of old age and into those years, this needy social demographic creates pressures for new couples.
In the past, children of middle- and upper-income families looked to their parents for key deposit money (jeonse). In-laws provided monetary support while a child was in graduate school, and support for grandchildren in school and tutoring. Many still do. However, today's counterparts may look to their children for money. This puts children, the newer married couples, in a bind. To deny one's parents creates a problem, but to help them also creates a problem. Many marriages cannot withstand the pressure.
No wonder more prescient younger Koreans now forestall or choose to forgo marriage. What should the Sampo Generation do? A February 2019 post by Yue Qian on The Conversation website notes women's concerns. Unequal domestic responsibilities, unduly long workweeks, and lower fertility cause stress. The blog didn't mention in-law pressures. The high cost of living and debt assumed by younger couples creates a Gordian knot when parents need money from their grown children.
A study by Lee Yean-ju on divorce, separation and remarriage discusses new patterns of pressure. Daughters and parents of daughters pressure husbands and sons-in-law. If the daughter's income and life expectations aren't met, trouble often occurs. It seems Korean women still want a male provider, but now they can speak up and even leave a marriage if reality doesn't match expectations. The daughter's mother may not tell the new wife to "take it."
The challenges don't stem only from in-laws to children. Some Korean young adults may be slow to shed their over-reliance on parental support. This summer there was a tragic story about a young man who murdered his mother and stepfather over money. He'd absorbed the idea his mother had to keep supporting his family. With growing individualism and equality among sexes, there should be decreasing assumptions that parents and parents-in-law bankroll newlyweds.
The incidence of divorce because of in-law financial pressures is a statistic I haven't identified. It deserves fuller study and analysis. A 2016 study by the Korea Legal Aid Center cited a nearly fourfold increase during the period 2005-2015.
Korea is a leading nation now, no longer just the small economy from the past. Expectations have risen, and economic prospects for younger and older Koreans are dim, in cyclic terms and too much overall. Korea's generations feel the pressure like a vice. The present and future Korean administrations must keep the miracle going. Korea's future depends on it, and Korean marriages do too.
Bernard Rowan (browan10@yahoo.com) is associate provost for contract administration and professor of political science at Chicago State University. He is a past fellow of the Korea Foundation and former visiting professor at Hanyang University.
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In my study of mature Korean women, the ajumma, I learned about myeonri sijipsari, or pressure on the daughter-in-law from the husband's mother. In the past, neo-Confucian norms and multi-generation households urged the pressures. Today, it's less discussed, still around, but less so than 50 years ago. Koreans live in more nuclear families. But the tie to a couple's parents persists. My male Korean friends' wives don't tell me it's so bad for them, though my data set is small. The growing respect for women and ideas of self-development don't truck with the groom's mother so much. I have some friends who seem subservient to their wives' mothers frankly.
Also, if one reads the news and related analyses, I'd argue sijipsari has spread to both genders and taken on new forms. With the growing life expectancy of Koreans and present-day nuclear families, many Korean elders live alone. Many endure poverty. Independent of family ties, this is a serious social issue. Elders are a valuable source of wisdom and experience for families and societies. But, short of old age and into those years, this needy social demographic creates pressures for new couples.
In the past, children of middle- and upper-income families looked to their parents for key deposit money (jeonse). In-laws provided monetary support while a child was in graduate school, and support for grandchildren in school and tutoring. Many still do. However, today's counterparts may look to their children for money. This puts children, the newer married couples, in a bind. To deny one's parents creates a problem, but to help them also creates a problem. Many marriages cannot withstand the pressure.
No wonder more prescient younger Koreans now forestall or choose to forgo marriage. What should the Sampo Generation do? A February 2019 post by Yue Qian on The Conversation website notes women's concerns. Unequal domestic responsibilities, unduly long workweeks, and lower fertility cause stress. The blog didn't mention in-law pressures. The high cost of living and debt assumed by younger couples creates a Gordian knot when parents need money from their grown children.
A study by Lee Yean-ju on divorce, separation and remarriage discusses new patterns of pressure. Daughters and parents of daughters pressure husbands and sons-in-law. If the daughter's income and life expectations aren't met, trouble often occurs. It seems Korean women still want a male provider, but now they can speak up and even leave a marriage if reality doesn't match expectations. The daughter's mother may not tell the new wife to "take it."
The challenges don't stem only from in-laws to children. Some Korean young adults may be slow to shed their over-reliance on parental support. This summer there was a tragic story about a young man who murdered his mother and stepfather over money. He'd absorbed the idea his mother had to keep supporting his family. With growing individualism and equality among sexes, there should be decreasing assumptions that parents and parents-in-law bankroll newlyweds.
The incidence of divorce because of in-law financial pressures is a statistic I haven't identified. It deserves fuller study and analysis. A 2016 study by the Korea Legal Aid Center cited a nearly fourfold increase during the period 2005-2015.
Korea is a leading nation now, no longer just the small economy from the past. Expectations have risen, and economic prospects for younger and older Koreans are dim, in cyclic terms and too much overall. Korea's generations feel the pressure like a vice. The present and future Korean administrations must keep the miracle going. Korea's future depends on it, and Korean marriages do too.
Bernard Rowan (browan10@yahoo.com) is associate provost for contract administration and professor of political science at Chicago State University. He is a past fellow of the Korea Foundation and former visiting professor at Hanyang University.
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