I hear from other North Korean refugees that they were influenced by foreign TV shows or movies, but in my case, it was reading a philosophy book from China. It opened my mind so much; I was a different person after that. For the first time, I began engaging in critical thinking after I read the chapter about Plato. I continued to pretend that I believed everything, but my mind had already escaped North Korea. I was then in my last semester in college in North Korea, but I couldn't wait to graduate, I had to get out of North Korea.
I am so glad I did. The amazing thing was libraries and book stores here. I couldn't believe how huge they were, how many choices I had. There were so many books that I had never heard of, and if I had stayed in North Korea I would still be unaware of them. There seemed to be an unlimited number of books. I read all of the time,
I was enjoying the freedom of reading whatever I wanted. The biggest change that came over me is that I no longer thought in only 2 dimensions: right or wrong. If someone did something "wrong" in North Korea, I was taught to believe: "You did something wrong. You're a bad person." I didn't think about the context; only, "you're right or wrong." But in South Korea, I learned there could be a variety of contexts, thoughts, different understandings of the same things and situations. It is possible to think about "why" someone did something differently.
Chang-ho, male, escaped to South Korea in 2015
I was a soldier in North Korea for 10 years. So you can imagine that I had a difficult life, and it was true. I graduated from college in North Korea and it seemed that I was destined for an adequate life there. There always seemed to be something missing, something wrong, but I couldn't understand it when I was in North Korea. It may have just been human instinct and the desire to live as I wished.
People ask me about my adjustment to living here in South Korea. I'm one of those people who can say without reservation: "I'm satisfied! I'm satisfied because of freedom." I can make decisions for myself without having to pay a fine for every little thing or just because an officer has targeted me for a wrong look. In North Korea I was poor, but it seemed that it was my job to support the families of police officers, security people, teachers and others in positions of authority.
There are so many things that I hope to accomplish here. I'm now studying law, it is so interesting and I am learning so many things. I am now learning English, so that is also so satisfying. My English still isn't good but I am lucky that I have teachers who are so patient with me. Even when I am sure I am saying stupid things, they never laugh at me; they patiently explain things to me and demonstrate with body language when I can't understand their words.
Probably the biggest difference is that I realized that I can express "thank you" and "I love you" to people other than dictators. Sometimes I am still trying to grasp those exact feelings of "love" and "thank you." Trying to understand and express them makes me feel more like a human being, not just a dictator's puppet.
Sometimes I will say to South Korean friends, "Thank you for being my friend, I love you." They will laugh at me, they say that I shouldn't say it, but trying to express one's feelings is what makes us human. I may not always be saying things correctly, but I hope the day will come that I learn the proper way or that people learn to accept my way even if it is not always perfect.
Casey Lartigue Jr., co-founder of the Teach North Korean Refugees Global Education Center, compiled these statements from interviews with refugees studying at the TNKR. TNKR co-founder Eunkoo Lee translated their comments from Korean to English.