[INTERVIEW] Lee So-eun tells of her workplace struggles, identity crisis

Singer-turned-lawyer Lee So-eun / Courtesy of Suo Books

Singer-turned-lawyer discusses her new book, "Who I Am Now is Enough"

By Kwak Yeon-soo

For singer-turned-lawyer Lee So-eun, writing a book is a chance to stop and reflect upon a period in all its complexity, to make sense of her choices and record those moments in her own words.

After she left the music industry to attend Northwestern University's law school in the U.S. in 2009, she wrote about her experiences, growth and thoughts about her career change in her first book, "Ttanttara Girl Goes to Law School" (2012).

Lee debuted in 1998 at the age of 16 with her album, "Girl." She juggled studying and performing onstage during her high school and college years. After graduating from college here, Lee said she craved a change and appreciated the broader skill set that a law school could provide.

The case of her father being wrongfully fired from a university for participating in the democracy movement during the 1980s authoritarian regime also acted as a catalyst for change.

"I believed a legal education would give me the power to protect myself," she writes in her new book titled, "Who I Am Now is Enough."

In her second book, Lee looks back on her 30s and talks about how her experiences and environment shaped who she is today. The singer-turned-lawyer also shares some tips for career starters or changers by opening up about her own trials and tribulations.

"I think readers will see that I struggled ― I write very candidly about facing conflicts and stumbling over challenging situations because I wasn't well equipped at the beginning to navigate them wisely. I think readers will also see that I also have much fear about trying new things and starting new paths," she said in a recent interview with The Korea Times, which was conducted in English.

"I came to understand that the answers to the problems or questions in my life could be found in learning to manage myself, and that I can and should allow myself the grace and compassion to find those answers," she said.

Below is an excerpt of The Korea Times interview with Lee on her new book. It has been edited for clarity and readability.

The book cover of Lee So-eun's second book, "Who I Am Now is Enough" / Courtesy of Suo Books

Q. Growing up as a third culture kid, you must have gone through an identity crisis. How has that affected your life?
A. I think my identity crisis was sharper because I had such a public life in Korea. In Korea, I had fame, reputation and notoriety, whereas in the U.S. I have anonymity. There is definitely freedom from that change but also a sense of loss, which I felt very acutely. It felt like I was grieving my old self, my past life. I was continuously searching for a category to which I could neatly belong, because I felt I was straddling two different worlds, unable to find a home in either. I also experienced much internal confusion in suddenly finding myself in the minority after having been so much a part of the majority ― and a privileged one at that. Ultimately though, all these different identities made me who I am, and I think I realized at one point that those experiences were another facet of my own individual diversity ― not only my race or gender. And I know now that individual diversity is an incredible strength.

Q. In your book, you mention that you go through different stages of emotions, from nervous anticipation to a sort of "I don't care" mood. When did you start believing "who I am now is enough?"
A. I think the catalyst for starting to believe "who I am now is enough" was living through the pandemic and having a baby at the peak of COVID-19 in New York. The deaths, the city I loved seemingly crumbling, the isolation and depression ― all these factors made that time extremely painful. It was then when I realized that I had pushed myself for the wrong reasons. For many years, I had felt that the only way to make my decision to leave my family, music career, network, and my home in Korea mean something, was to attain a level of success here. I always feared that my 20s would be my heyday and my life would be a constant disappointment after that. I don't have that fear anymore, because I know that the value of my time and choices aren't dependent upon any type of result, but rather on the way I continue to grow and expand every day.

Singer-turned-lawyer Lee So-eun appeared on MBC's "Masked Singer" in 2017 / Screenshots from MBC

Q. You wear multiple hats being an artist, a lawyer and a writer. What drives you and how do you find positivity?
A. I think my process of going forward inevitably includes hitting rock bottom, when I realize I can't go on this way. Then I make a conscious decision to snap out of it. I am so lucky to have a family that has saved me on multiple occasions. The one sure way to find positivity is action. I think doing something takes precedence over emotions. Emotions are so powerful, and negative emotions are really difficult to combat, but once you focus on actually doing something instead of thinking about it, whatever that may be, it lessens the impact of those feelings. Baby steps like this carry me forward.

Q. How would you describe your 30s?
A. My 30s were so eventful! I changed careers drastically, struggled to find myself in an unfamiliar country, culture and environment, met so many different people and experienced things I never thought were possible. I also started my own family, and became a partner and a mom. I think I experienced much angst, not only from the difficulties of navigating a demanding career and assuming new roles, but also from confusion about who I had become and where I was headed. But I do think I became tougher too, in a good sense.

Lee said she hopes it will not take another 10 years for her to write another book. "I really love the process of writing, and I have an idea for my next book already, which I have started to roughly outline," she said.

"I hope that my next 10 years will be a decade when I can cultivate my own unique style of leadership, both as a parent and in the work that I do. I am looking forward to opening a new door."

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